


Everything, Frankie

by casesandcapitals



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Off-Screen Suicide, Self Harm, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 01:52:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casesandcapitals/pseuds/casesandcapitals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He usually just mumbled nonsense. Occasionally I caught something that I would have thought profound and wise if it hadn't been coming from a mental hospital patient. I mostly just nodded and agreed with him, stroking his hair away from his face and watching his fingers twitch as he went on and on about whatever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything, Frankie

**Author's Note:**

> Vaguely inspired by [And Then The World Will Turn To Ash](http://archiveofourown.org/works/591746)  
> by EndlessNighttimeSky

He usually just mumbled nonsense. Occasionally I caught something that I would have thought profound and wise if it hadn't been coming from a mental hospital patient. I mostly just nodded and agreed with him, stroking his hair away from his face and watching his fingers twitch as he went on and on about whatever.  
We were allowed to eat together at every meal and spend most of our free time together. They said it was because I got him out of his shell. I knew it was mostly because he kept me calm, but they wouldn't ever say that to my face.  
I missed him the first time I spent a week in solitary. I don't really remember how I ended up in the small white room, only that there had been lots of blood and now I wasn't allowed forks at dinner. But I had missed him, so I tried not to get into trouble after that.  
I don't know if he actually noticed I was gone. I think maybe he just continued to talk, fingers twitching and hair falling in his eyes. I know he smiled when I sat next to him on our bench the afternoon I was let out. I made my way across the garden and pressed near to him. He set his head on my shoulder, not pausing in what he had been saying, and let me push his hair behind his ears.  
"Where do they even go, you know? I can't see any of them but I _know_ they're there. They have to be, right? They keep the Earth alive, they have to be there. But- but I can't see them."  
"I can't see them either," I muttered.  
"She said they go into the ground. I don't know why they would. It's. It's dark and dirty and cold. It's _cold_ , Frankie. Why would they?"  
"I don't know, Gee."  
"Do they need to be rescued? Should I rescue them? If I did, would you help me? Would you help me save them all?"  
"Of course I would."  
He shifted his slippered feet like he was going to stand, but seemed to decide against it.  
"If they needed help they would have asked," he said resolutely.  
"Okay."  
His hands were shaking so I took them in mine and tried to keep them warm. It was summer but he was still so cold.  
"Maybe they need to be in the ground to work properly," he muttered.  
"Do you think so?"  
"Am I? Should I be in the ground? I don't work right, is it because I'm not in the ground like them?"  
"No," I told him firmly. "You belong right here."  
"Maybe in the sky then, maybe that's where I belong."  
"You belong right here, Gerard."  
He fell silent. I watched the shadows move across the flower beds.  
"Okay," he agreed, hours after I had said anything.

Sometimes he wouldn't say anything at all, other times he wouldn't even pause long enough for me to answer his questions. A few times he was so lucid it scared me shitless. He would just look up in the middle of breakfast and say something so completely normal and casual that I wasn't sure if he hadn't been switched out with a replacement in the middle of the night.  
Occasionally he would cry. Not sobbing, gasping jags, but silent tears that would slip down his pale face. I don't know if he ever even noticed it when he did. I would wipe his skin dry and he would keep chatting softly about butterflies or the color red.

I was in solitary again, staring at the white padded wall and seething. Doctors and nurses and therapists and professionals and _people_. They didn't get it at all. There was nothing wrong with me, nothing. I broke that boy's hand because he deserved it, that was it. I didn't just lose my fucking mind, I didn't just flip. He called me a name, he _deserved_ to be hurt.  
"Irrational overreaction," I muttered furiously. The phrase has so many damn R's in it that it just made me angrier.  
I slammed my fist into my thigh enough times to cause a dark purple bruise, covered in red spots from all the broken blood vessels. I bit into my wrist hard enough to break the skin and starting smearing the words on the floor, just to get them out of my head. I only got as far as the V before I passed out. 

"Gerard?"  
"Hello."  
I looked around. I was in the medical room at the corner of the hospital. My head ached and my wrist was all bandaged up.  
"What are you doing here, Gee?"  
He looked a little confused at my question.  
"Mr. Way decided to dig to China and he cut his hand open on a shard of broken glass buried in one of the flower beds," said the doctor.  
I didn't bother acknowledging the doctor but I noticed the bandage encasing Gerard's hand.  
"Why were you digging, Gee?"  
"Couldn't find you, Frankie. I thought you went to rescue them without me. You shouldn't have gone by yourself, you know? It's cold down there. I told you that, right?"  
"Yeah, you did."  
He smiled softly at me.  
"Glad you came back, Frankie."  
The corners of my mouth twitched.  
"Tell me next time," he muttered, settling back into his hospital bed. "I'll give you my jacket."  
"Back to solitary, Mr. Iero," grumbled the doctor.  
"What? No." My eyes snapped up to see him frowning. "Come on, I'm fucking relaxed. I'm not gonna do anything, lemme stay out."  
"It's not up to me, Mr. Iero."  
"That's fucking bullshit!" I yelled.  
He hit a button on his desk that called for a guard and that tipped me over the edge.

They stuck me in the arm with something that hurt at first but quickly spread through my body, making me feeling like tv static. I was dragged from the medical room. I had just enough time to glance back and see Gerard sitting in bed and trying to whistle, staring at the wall completely serene and apparently unaware of the bleeding man surrounded by staff a few feet from him.

"I saw one today."  
"Really?"  
"Yep, right over there."  
I looked over to where Gerard was pointing, the base of a flowering bush. I tried to pretend I didn't notice the staff member that was watching over both of us as if we couldn't be trusted on our own.  
"He followed you back up when you came home," Gerard stated.  
"Do you think so?"  
"Didn't want to let you go. They like you, Frankie."  
"Do you like me?" I asked quietly.  
"With everything I have," Gerard answered. His tone hadn't changed at all. He said it the way he said anything, with a soft certainty and a little bit of awe. It was the same way he talked about apples or paintbrushes, but I knew he meant it. Gerard never lied.  
"I like you too," I promised.

I don't remember getting sick.  
I remember coughing. I remember turning away from Gerard to cough. I remember that he looked a little startled, then seemed to forget why and continued to chatter away.  
I don't remember being moved to the medical room.  
I remember being hooked to an IV and swallowing warm tea and being fed applesauce.  
I remember asking for Gerard. I don't remember what answer the new doctor had given me.  
I remember waking up in a real hospital long enough to know I wasn't near Gerard anymore. I remember my stomach in knots, my throat on fire, and my hands as cold as ice. I think I asked for Gerard again, but the room was empty and no one answered me.

 

"I'm so sorry, Gerard," the therapist said.  
Gerard was staring into the corner of the room near the ceiling, eyes glazed over a bit.  
"I know you and Mr. Iero were close. I was told he asked for you near the end."  
"The end of what?" Gerard asked, looking to the therapist with a soft confusion set in his brow.  
"Well-"  
"Oh no," Gerard said. "Nothing's an end. Nothing ended."  
The therapist cleared his throat gently.  
"I'm going to prescribe you a sleep aid and a stronger anti-anxiety medication. Do you understand why, Gerard?"  
Gerard didn't answer. He was looking at the corner of the ceiling again, smiling softly.

 

"You forgot your jacket."  
"Gerard?"  
"I thought you were going to wait for me this time, Frankie? I told you it's cold, remember?"  
I smiled and pulled him close, letting him wrap a dark colored jacket over my shoulders.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you."  
"It's okay," he smiled. "I found you."  
"I'm glad you did. I missed you."  
"I missed you too, but I found you in the dirt and the sky. Right where you belong." He smiled wider. "And I belong with you, remember, Frankie? You told me that."  
I pulled him as close as I could get him and laughed because I knew I'd never have to let go again.  
"Everything, Frankie."  
"I love you too, Gerard."

**Author's Note:**

> I had this awful, twisting feeling in my gut and I just needed to work it out. I don't really know where I was intending to go with this when I wrote the first line, but I think it ended up where it was supposed to.
> 
> To clarify-  
> Gerard was talking about earth worms. If you didn't realize, it's okay, Frank had no idea what he was talking about either.  
> Frank died in the hospital from pneumonia. Gerard thought he went to rescue the worms and killed himself to go find Frank. Because it's cold down there, you know?
> 
> They spend eternity in heaven; sitting on a bench in a flower garden, Gerard talking while Frank holds him.
> 
> [Art](http://archiveofourown.org/works/947877)   
> 


End file.
